VISIT WITH DR. FOX IN PHILLY

THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

Well we had the appt. with Dr. Kevin Fox at the Breast Care Center at the Univ. of Pennsylvania today and I think Bob and I agree that it was well worth the visit.  After going through my whole history, from 2007 on, with a young doctor, she briefed Dr. Fox on any missing pieces or discrepancies.  He had my whole file complete with "flow chart" which had been faxed to him by Dr. Peroutka's office as well as the scans from all my MRI's, Cat scans, etc., etc.  By this point there were quite a few.

Then he went over my whole history in pretty great detail explaining what he felt were the reasons for some of the "incidents" (severe bone pain, return of some bone pain, nausea) and explained how they could be treated. Four of my big questions were:
* Where did that severe bone pain come from so suddenly?
  ANSWER: Most likely from a fracture of my pelvic bone area.
  Apparently I am very susceptible to such fractures and need to
  be aware of that.  In fact, I am experiencing some pretty
  serious bone pain again but this time higher on my spinal column - cause?
  Probably same reason.  Remedy?  Go back on the Oxycodone IR or 
  Oxycontin ER - with severe pain I should not try to fight it.

* Why the nausea - what could have caused that?
  ANSWER:  Yes, Radiation can cause nausea and probably did.
  Dexamethasone can help, and as I found out, indeed it does  (thank you
  for the suggestion Theo! :>)

* Should we stick to the same chemo that I started with?
  ANSWER: NO.  It would be best to try the TAXOL-type chemo I
  had with my first bout of breast cancer but in a reconfigured form
  for more serious cancers. The rest of the "cocktail" can stay the same:
  Kytril & Decadron, and Navelbine.

* Where does the blood go if my hemoglobin levels are low but nothing
  shows up in stool samples, etc.?
  ANSWER: My body just isn't making enough because of the disease. 
          We had ruled out any GI-type problems by blood tests and stool samples.

** AND NOW THE $64,000 QUESTION: 
WHAT IS THE PROGNOSIS FOR THIS TYPE OF CANCER?

  ANSWER: If you took all of the people with serious cancers (stage 4) and 
averaged their lifespan from onset of the cancer you would come up with
a figure around three years.  HOWEVER, within that group you will also
find some who go on for years with no recurrence, or you find some whose
bodies don't respond to the various chemos/radiation and they die within a
few months.  The discrepancy can be that large.  It is simply a "crap shoot,"  
 as is walking out your door and getting hit by a car.  The important markers
will be the scans and MRI's that will need to be done every 3 or 4 months.
So - drumroll please - everyone on this list will be beholden to pray to  Mecca, 
 God, Buddha, or any of the hundreds of other dieties out there.  Me,
I'm a nature girl with some spiritual sidelines so I'll probably be sitting
by my spring pond thinking good, uplifting thoughts.

THE OTHER ASPECT OF MY CARE...

After several conversations with my dear, dear step-daughter-in-law, Theo, out in Hood River, Oregon, I had some concerns about the type of care I was receiving from my present Oncology practice and I posed a couple of questions to Dr.  Fox concerning "assigned' nurse practitioners, centralized co-ordinated information which the nurse in some practices manages and their other duties.

His comments regarding these issues were that it does not always run as smoothly as it might appear.  And, in fact, he felt that I would most likely be receiving more individualized care at Andrews & Patel than I would in a larger practice.  Because of his honesty throughout our appt., I appreciated his candor.  I have been making as optimal a use of Dr. Peroutka's set-up as I could have been.  This is an entirely different type of cancer than my first go-around and I need to be much more pro-active - i.e. ask questions, seek out the nurse to do some of the things that they do in the large practices AND I want to include some of the more "alternative" procedures such as acupuncture or Reiki or a naturpath - things that will treat my whole body and soul. In fact, in the case of Hershey Breast Care Center in particular (which Dr. Fox is familiar with), although he stated that they are "good people," his belief seems to remain firm that you get more individualized care at a smaller practice.

So, after I have had a chance to digest all of this and speak with Dr. Peroutka (my next appt. with her is this Friday) I think I will "clear the air" a bit with respect to the chemo, who to turn to for help when I need it, and our need to keep an open line of communication, which I really can't fault her for.  Don't know when my chemo will start but I suspect that it will be soon - maybe as early as next week.  Once again - stay tuned.

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RAINY WEEK-END FIRE

 


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Birds of a feather (look closely - it's there :>)

 


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VISIT TO DR. FOX IN PHILLY

 

WHAT THE YUCK?!

WHAT THE YUCK!?
Written about 3/10/10

I's a little harder to write these right now since I am feeling pretty "yucky" (i.e. nauseated) a lot of the time.  We have decided that it is mainly due to the radiation - which ends today!!! - but the high-powered meds are probably partly to blame too, so I am trying to cut back on them to more over-the-counter painkillers like Ibuprofen instead of the Oxycontin's.  That seems to be working; now I'll have to see if my taste buds get a little back to "normal," whatever that is.  The one thing I seem to have a taste for is hummus.  Wegmans (our local super-supermarket) makes their own and I think it's really good so we stopped for some last week.  I'm also drinking a lot of San Peligrino fizzy water - in fact, TONS of it.  I'm surprised I haven't explode! Other than that I'm pretty sure I am losing weight.  I have a badly calibrated bathroom scale but I know when it says 117 I am actually about 122; right now it is registering about 10 lbs. less than that but, believe me, this is not how I prefer to lose weight!  It's hard on me and it's equally hard on Bob, in fact all of this is.  As Michael says, "I hate to think of you in pain, or with nausea," and I can see Bob just totally frustrated by not being able to do anything to help me.

So where do we go from here - post radiation?  The plan now is to meet with Dr. Peroutka (Oncologist) this Friday and to discuss my options... continue with the chemo I started with or change to a different one, or ??  I have an appointment next Tuesday with another breast cancer specialist in Philadelphia for a second opinion.  I would like to know what he says before we decide anything definite.  So stay tuned.

Continuation - AFTER THE MEETING WITH DR. PEROUTKA...

Several things to report...#1 - Spoke to my dear Step Daughter-in-Law, Theo, at great length today about my meds, nausea, suggestions for eating, etc., etc.  Both Theo and her brother, Mike P., are nurses; Mike still practices and has been at it a long time so he knows the meds generally in use now. Keep in mind that they live in the Portland, Oregon area so their cancer centers there are a bit different than here - probably more progressive, which is a good thing.  Anyhow, I am truly grateful for their input.

#2 - Now, the consult with Dr. P.:  As some of you know (and others don't), Dr. P. said that my nausea symptoms could be being caused by the cancer in my liver AND she confirmed that she thinks the "spots" on my lung probably are cancerous as well.  That is bummer news, as you may imagine.  However, I did ask her about a drug that Theo said is in wide use in the Portland area (Dexamethadone) for nausea and she did prescribe that as a "booster" along with the Compesine which I have been taking.  Voila!  Today I ate my first sandwich (altho only 1/2 but I did eat it!) and Jenn Halpin (Dickinson College Organic Garden Guru and Pres. of our Farmers Mkt.) stopped by with a pint of LEO'S Ice Cream!!  What a treat that was :>)  We chatted for awhile, particularly about her Mother's Breast Cancer, now past the 5 yr. cancer-free mark, I think.  What she said that interested me was that while her Mother was going through treatment her Oncologist worked in conjunction with a local MD/Naturepath (don't know where she lives...) which she felt was very helpful to her.  The important message here is that there is an increasing acceptance of such dual treatment, but I have not heard of that in this area.  I want to look into that a bit.  I did make an appt. with a local acupuncturist who I have heard good things about and am looking forward to working with her (Nancy Ksinski, Boiling Springs).

As far as resumption of my chemo is concerned, Dr. P. wants to wait about 10 days so that I am beyond the effects of my radiation, which would mean I would start around the end of March.  I am glad to have that time off to recuperate and get myself back somewhat to normal. That brings you up-to-date with the latest news in this journey of mine.  I am including a couple of pictures to brighten a rainy day.  

P.S.  Cut it out, Sunny - no sniffling allowed!!!  Love and huge thanks to all who have fed us, helped us (me in particular), sent cards, letters, lent their support in any way.  You are a God-send :>)

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My Screensaver - Lerici, Italy   We spent two absolutely amazing vacations with our friends, Tom & Ky Colestock, one in Provence, the other in Tuscany and the Cinque Terre.  This picture is from our little yard overlooking  the the Bay beyond the little town of Lerici.  You should have seen it as the sun set and the lights began to come on in all the little villages!  Priceless

 


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Herbal Tea & Biscotti thanks to Jean!!

 


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A Very Rainy Day

 

THE Update...

Here you are, finally, the update of my last two weeks>>>>>>>>  Just click here:  http://wolfwomen.posterous.com/

UPDATE...

Since I have been a trifle "busy" lately (for the past two weeks, to be exact), I have been:

Transfused (2 units of blood) to get my hemoglobin
up a bit (that went up from 8.3 to 12.3)
But had my chemo cancelled twice because of low white blood cell counts (2.4)
Saturday night, Feb. 21 (and this is where things get a bit "hazy"), I went to Harrisburg Hospital Emergency Room and from there transported by ambulance to Harrisburg Osteopathic Hospital. The reason for this was extreme bone pain.(Harrisburg Osteo. Hosp. is considered Harrisburg's Cancer Center, ergo the reason for my transport there).
The next few days were spent meeting with the radiologist, Dr. Melito, and trying to control my serious bone pain. They didn't want to
release me until it was controlled so that I could be put on radiation which, it was felt, could be used to further control pain and get ultimately back to the chemo which was fighting my cancer. That took, I think, four days. 
On release from the hospital I was pretty drugged up with some potent meds: (OxyContin, both IR and EXT, something
directly into my port Dilaudin?, but I'm not sure of the name, Ciprofloxacin HCL (anti-biotic),Sennalax-S, Bisacodyl (suppository), Effexor XR, Vitorin, and IBUPROFEN.

That evening to tell you that I was a bit "confused" is putting it mildly.  Suzy and Bob, in an effort to give me some relief and clean me up after four days in the hospital without a shower, decided that a bath would be the best remedy. That, however, meant getting me up the steps which, from all accounts, was NOT an easy task. In the middle of all this Moses was beginning to feel his own pain and discomfort and would not leave my side, even as I tried to bathe.  They got me cleaned and pajamaed and back downstairs (I have no idea what time this was...) and from here it becomes a jumbled, confused mess -- doors opening and closing, Moses retching and obviously in serious pain as he went from corner to corner looking for a place to throw up and me in la-la land.  At this point I would have given $1M to just have been able to offer him some of the love and care he needed.  Anyhow, Suzy, having just been through this with her own dog, suggested taking him to the 24 hr.Vet clinic (once again,I have no idea what time it was), which she did.  A short time later we (or rather, Bob) got a call from her with a diagnosis of a flipped stomach i.e. bloat (not uncommon in German Shepherds) and a recommendation to put him out of his misery.  They could have opted for surgery, but the chances of that working were so slim that we (Bob & I) agreed. 

Why this should all happen in the middle of my own extremely serious cancer problems is beyond me, but it did.  This was a dog that had been my constant companion for years, a dog that had such an exceptional understanding of common words and gestures that it seemed uncanny.  I often remarked that he was smarter than me.  Yes, he lived a good life here, but, more importantly, he provided me with such companionship and trust that I was the lucky one.  Actually it was a two-way street -- we both gave, and received, and you can't ask for much more than that in a relationship.

The next morning when I awoke and the reality began to sink in I was incredulous that we had come so far, and made such a decision, just a mere few hours earlier.  I was jolted into the realization that I had lost the best companion I ever had and had not even been given the opportunity to say good-bye to him.  Closures are important and I will be looking for a way to make that happen in the near future.

Just a word about Sue, Moses' doggie-sitter...no one, other than Bob and I, loved him more and no one was more upset, other than Bob and I, at this sudden decision to put him down.  She had spent that afternoon with him playing frisbee, taking him for a walk, and then closing the door behind her, knowing that I would be home that evening.  She absolutely could not believe it when she was told that we had made that decision, or the reason for it.  She called me a few days later and I explained what had happened but she felt the same as I - "I wish I could have said my good-byes, even if it was necessary."

Now, almost a week later, I walk around an empty house and understand how much he meant to Bob and I.  Suzy, God bless her, took care of all the "dirty work."  It was she who took him to the vet; it was she who quietly removed his beds and dishes, and it was she who made the transition a bit easier for us. Now, instead of receiving notes of good wishes for my health, I am receiving sympathy cards about Moses. He had a lot of admirers: people who joined me on my walks; people who helped me with my garden and faithfully threw his frisbee for him every time he dropped it at their feet; Sue, who as I said helped with housecleaning chores but also began taking him home with her or staying with him at our house when we took one of our many trips; my military tenants who also came to know him and in most cases became his buddies; and finally, even the UPS man who, I know, is going to be very upset when I tell him.  Oh yes, and the two vets who were treating him (I just got off the phone with one of them) who recognized how very special he was and how special our relationship was.  That's a lot of people who could honestly call him their friend. 

Let's call it quits here.  I'll keep updating my experiences re my radiation and chemo, but for the present, things are getting better and I have much less pain, so there you are - PROGRESS! thanks in great part to my son and my husband and to Suzy, but more about that later...

Michael and Me

 


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Nancy's Meds List

 

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FEELIN' GROOVY

FEELIN' GROOVY

It has now been almost a week since my last post and I must say I spent a few days feeling really guilty about that post (thanks a lot Kelley!).  Let's just say my husband doesn't deserve the bashing I gave him.  He goes along with me to all appointments; sticks around to hear what the doctors say, which is very valuable since there is no way you can keep it all straight; and tries to figure out what my mood is going to be for any particular day.  We should have a gauge mounted in his office which has a red area for "LOOK OUT, IT'S BAD TODAY!" to green for "FEELIN' GROOVY". 

As the title of this post indicates, I am feeling pretty darn good right now.  On Tuesday I went in for my regular chemo but after my doctor looked at my blood values she decided it was time for a transfusion (oh goody! lucky me!!), so on Wednesday I checked in to Harrisburg Hospital as an outpatient and spent 5 1/2 hours getting two units of nice red healthy blood -- look out Dracula!

Today when I went in for my postponed chemo they did another blood test and decided that while my Hemoglobin/Red blood cell count had gone up 4+ points (which is remarkably good), my white count had dropped precipitously - too low, in fact, to have the chemo once again.  Which means I get a "Go Home Free" card and have a week-end with very little anemia (thus no exhaustion), BUT a lower immune system.  I need one of those super-dooper face masks and I need to be very careful
H1n1_n95mask

so I don't pick up some horrible cold or infuenza- no crowds, no airplanes or airports, etc., etc.  Okay - I'll take that as long as I can actually enjoy my food and a glass of wine.

A note on Mardi Gras, since my daughter is now living in New Orleans and has adopted the city with her whole heart and soul.  Her descriptions of the parades, (which by the way last for at least a full week before the actual BIG parades on Mardi Gras day itself), and how much fun her daughter was having throughout the whole hullaballoo made me realize that there is a lot more to the celebration than I had thought.  N'awlins loves MARDI GRAS and they have such pride in their city that I could feel it seeping through my computer as Kelley sent her e-mails and iPhone pictures.  It is one helluva bash, but with a ton of tradition that few of us who only read about it really appreciate.  It is not just a chance to take your top off and get rip roaring drunk.  In fact, there is a lot more to New Orleans  than Bourbon Street.  Now with the Saints as Super Bowl Champions it is a very, very happy city.  So here is my feeble contribution to Mardi Gras 2010 as celebratedin Carlisle, PA.

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KING OF Mardi Gras Carlisle, PA

 


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Nancy's feeble attempt to celebrate

 


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Attempt #2

 

MELT DOWN/PEE DOWN

MELT DOWN/PEE DOWN

Well look out - this one isn't going to be so "inspiring," in fact it is going to give you a glimpse of the bitchy-witchy Nancy when she is feeling frustrated and just plain crummy...

Each day I include plans for keeping my loyal companion, super-dog happy (although it isn't easy with all this snow on the ground and very limited walks).  So yesterday I suggested to Bob that we take a drive to a little town just on the other side of the fruit region of PA. (Rt. 94 - York Springs).  It's a beautiful drive even in the winter and I thought we might be able to let Moses out somewhere along the way to romp a little.  I had read an article in COOKS magazine about a Mexican dish called "Tinga" that sounded really good to me and I wanted to see if the Mexican grocery store there might carry some of the ingredients.  There are lots of Mexican expatriates living in that area since there is lots of work available to them picking fruit and helping to keep the orchards in shape.

We were able to purchase a couple of things that I needed and the young girl who waited on us was very sweet and helpful.  All of the people who came in while we were there were speaking Spanish, though, and she told me that her cousin, the owner, speaks no English so when he is manning the store it might be a little more challenging.  Since the Peters Orchard store was open we stopped there to buy some apples and it was there that I let Moses out for a few minutes.  He did his usual pee and poo and we continued on home.

I had washed our sheets and later I asked Bob to help me make the bed since that is the one household task that I really hate - the bed is high, the mattress thick and it is especially hard for me to get the fitted sheet on properly.  While we were doing that Moses walked up behind me and let loose one of his marathon pees all over the rug!  (This is a BIG dog and he drinks a LOT of water so take my word for it, he can pee a river!!)  Well, I lost it...........lots of swear words, lots of running down to the basement to find the scrub brush and bucket +cleaner, towels, etc., etc. Believe me, you wouldn't have wanted to be near me!  Then after trying to soak up the pee and liquid I had just scrubbed the rug with Bob proceeded to drape the towels over the wooden dining room chair.  Now to my mind that is downright stupid :>( so he took on the wrath of God when I realized what he had done.

Some of this is really upsetting to me:  #1 Because I do a LOT for this dog - I wash his feet and anus with medicated soap, we have spent thousands of dollars trying to keep him healthy, I take him with me almost everywhere I go and stop and walk him wherever I can and I swear he is one of the smartest dogs on the planet.  #2 Because Bob just doesn't seem to understand simple common sense, ergo he makes twice/thrice the work for me at a time when I am simply in a compromised state. Moses is perfectly capable of letting us know when he needs to go out (and later Bob told me that he thought he (Moses, that is) might have been trying to tell him something before he came upstairs to help me. (He will often paw one of us or whimper a little when something is bothering him...which, apparently, he did), so in Moses' defense, he may have tried, but failed, to get Bob's attention.

I cooled down later, but I am still pretty unhappy about the whole incident.  I think I need to do a couple of things that might help me:  Ask my oncologist about my low hemoglobin and whether it is time to consider a transfusion; talk to my vet about Moses' thirst problem, and I do think it could be more than just a simple case of being thirsty - the specialist vet who is treating him for his fistulas and dermatology issues said it might be a sign of "renal failure."  What the solution for that is I can't imagine.  I feel like I have a lot on my plate that is weighing me down, and not a lot of help.  In Bob's defense, though, he did buy me a doz. roses and he did take me out for a lovely brunch, and I know he thinks I am being overly critical, but ...  Help is not having to be told to do things and it is realizing that closed cabinets and drawers or carrying laundry baskets up and down the stairs or actually cleaning up an area means cleaning it all, not just a portion of it, realizing that is what an adult does.  We are all grown up now; we are not children, and sometimes he just does things that I think are what a child would do.

Phew!  That's enough complaining.  I'm ready to sit by the fire and read the NY TIMES and then take a nap.  I need to get myself to a "Happy Place," not this G.D. Unhappy one that I am obviously in.  Sorry about that.  :>(

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Valentine roses :>)

 


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Valentine pee :>(

 

FREE FALL

FREE FALL

Yesterday I was working away on my computer getting some papers in order for a meeting I was to have that evening with the head of our FARMERS ON THE SQUARE market.  Gradually I realized that I was NOT feeling very well - in fact I was feeling downright shitty!  As luck would have it, I got an e-mail about that time asking if we could postpone our meeting.  YEAH!  Just what I was about to ask!!!  That was two days after my chemo and boy did I take a header.  I dragged myself upstairs, popped a couple of pills, and fell asleep for a couple of hours - woke up at 7:00 p.m.  (Bob had gone out to dinner with the Hetricks so I was blissfully alone except for Moses who seemed to be barking continually).

So the modus operendi seems to be that I am destined to feel pretty crummy a day or so after the chemo.  The day of seems OK, but next day or the following one - BOOM!  Crapsville...  One good thing, though, so far I haven't noticed any hair falling out.  Now that would be a blessing :)  Losing your hair is a definite bummer:  you look like a convict, it's cold with no hair, and while the wigs are pretty nice you still have to deal with putting them on, taking them off, washing them, "styling" them, etc.

Anyway, that's my sad story for today.  I decided to include a couple of pictures of my niece, Ashley, who is burning up the boards as a high school freshman high diver.  Both of her parents were student athletes at PITT, Brad a diver, and his wife Shelly a gymnast, so Brad is the coach for Ashley's "team."  He is obviously doing a remarkable job.  Their younger son, Brad Jr., is also a high diver so I suspect we will hear more about him in a few years.  With the olympics coming up this week-end it is a chance to see how a young athlete gets started, although to become an Olympic contender takes a lot out of a young life.  It's right for some, but not for all.

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Ducks looking for their "daily bread"

 


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Boots from Clau & Mike, ski pants from Kelley

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CHEMO SCHMEEMO AND A MIND BENDER

CHEMO SCHMEEMO AND A MIND BENDER

As I sit here writing this we are in the midst of our second huge snowstorm in a week.  I just heard a snowmobile go tearing down my road - he's a happy guy!  But it gives me an excellent opportunity to write something about my on-going adventure...

My second chemo was yesterday.  I was feeling really tired, probably due to my continuing low hemoglobin blood count, and a little yucky on the way home until I discovered at my doorstep another "Care" package from my loyal support-system member, Anna.  In it was a beautiful slice of chocolate cake.  That did it - yucky feeling disappeared on the spot!  I immediately sliced off a small piece and all my troubles floated away.  (Leads one to believe that the mind can do some amazing things to us - both good and bad.)  Bob's daughter, Dee, who lives in Vermont and has been itching to be included in the supporters list had ordered dinner for us from Pure Tastes, LLC  in Camp Hill so we had that and saved Anna's soup for tomorrow - perfect for a snowy evening.  In fact, I invited our Army War College tenant up for pot luck since I have plenty of leftovers and he is snowed in just as we are.  

However, my point is... TA DAH!  The mind: depression vs euphoria and all the points in between - and what as simple a thing as a piece of cake, or a kind word, or a  special book, or a hand-written note (something that no one expects any more!), or a personal phone call - what any of them can mean to someone in the "dumps."  And I think that we can pull ourselves out of a bad place by being aware that we need to seek out things that can bring us up, rather than down.  I have a bookshelf full of books about creative things - journalling, bookmaking, papermaking, cooking, etc., etc.  All I need to do is pull out one of those and I can lose myself in happy thoughts, and plans.  

Pictures below...

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FAMILY FIRST

FAMILY FIRST

Good Heavens!  After writing about all the help I am getting from my friends I realized that my first line of defense is, of course, my family.  Here they are:

My husband Bob
My son Michael, wife Claudia and 3 mo. old granddaughter, Chloe
My daughter Kelley, husband Tim and granddaughter Hannah, 3 1/2 yrs.

Second Tier:
Bob's daughter and grandson, Suzy and Mason, - 16 yrs.
Bob's other daughter and her husband, Dee & Pete, 
Rusty, Bob's son, Theo, his wife, and Grace -14 yrs., Russell - 11 yrs.,and Jack, 6 yrs.

They have been, and are continuing to be, there for me through thick or thin.  Michael even flew up to go along with Bob and I when we met with the oncologist to hear the full scoop on what I was dealing with and what to expect.  Kelley said some downright beautiful things to me when she first found out and she is now journalling on her own blog about how it is affecting her.

It's a pretty heady thing to hear your children, now adults, sounding so grown up and knowing that the torch is passing.  They were both pretty "wild" kids - especially Kelley, who was a dyed-in-the-wool, card-carrying Dead Head for a number of years.  I doubt if she will ever go through a mid-life crisis like I did -- she did all her flying while she was young.  Now it's hard to believe she was ever that crazy.  And Michael did his share too. After all, he went to school in New Orleans (Tulane) and it's pretty hard NOT to go nuts down there!  I am so, so lucky to have them and I am so proud of what they have become, in spite of the bumps and obstacles I put in their path.

And then there is my long-suffering husband, who has been through this before with his first wife, who lived for many years in a wheelchair, an innocent victim of MS, and finally succumbed to ovarian cancer.  That doesn't seem fair, does it?  All the more reason to fight this fucking disease!  He feels the rug being pulled out from under him and he clearly does not want that to happen.  Move to a smaller house - NO!  Take on more of the responsibilities - uh, what responsibilities?  He is not ready for that, but I am and therein lies a nagging problem that will, at some point, have to be dealt with.  Not right now, though; I don't have the energy for it.  So let's just take some time out to enjoy watching the kids tobagganing, or admiring a cool snowman... Weather report for tomorrow: 10 to 18 inches of snow!

Grim Nancy

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants"
                  Michael Pollan






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A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Make that a lot of help from my friends.  And friends I have...young ones, old ones, over-the-top religious ones, spiritual ones, agnostic ones, holistic ones and complete vegan ones.  I love them all.  And each of them want to help me. In fact, they have to help me. Their beliefs are honest, and strong, and I respect them for that.  So I  have a lot of people praying for me, taking me to lunch, making me soup, calling me, massaging me, sniffling over me and urging me to sit under their magic lights that they truly believe cure cancer. On my desk beside me sit three bottles of herbal remedies: organic flaxseed oil, green barley grass, and a jar of homemade "6 root revival tea" which one of those dear friends absolutely could not wait to put in my hands (and tummy).  What to do?  My head swims with the offers, and, honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I can feel myself tearing (sniffle, not tearing as in paper) up as I think how lucky I am to have such an eclectic group pulling for me.

But, and here is where it gets complicated, or simplified, if that is how you want to look at it, I lean more toward toward the doctor/medical approach in a case like this.
So I asked my oncologist what to do as far as the herbs go.  She recommended holding off of them until we can see if the chemo is doing it's job.  To introduce other things at this point is to muddy the waters - so magic lights and herbal remedies are out for now.  I'll take all the prayers I can get, and short phone calls (forgive me if I say I've had enough and all I want to do is sit down and read my book :>), soup on occasion, comments on my blog (love those - thank you all who have commented!, massages, and gentle inquires (that's you, Dhyana).  What give me the most pleasure are WALKS and LAUGHTER, second best: a good book, and a glass of wine and a good movie.  There - my treatise on funky and not-so-funky friends ends!  Take it from me, you are all worth your weight in gold (even the sniffly one!)

Now on to chemo...  Yesterday was D-day, the first of an unknown number since it all depends on how I respond to the drugs and whether they are doing their job.  The schedule is fairly simple: the first three Tuesdays of the month I will have chemo (it takes about 2 hrs. each time) and I will have the last Tues. off.  I asked if I could possibly be put in a room with another reader (I hate to be in with someone who is watching TV), but I do have BOSE earphones to block out sound if worst comes to worst. The oncology office is right across the street from Bob's office, so that is a plus.  Pictures below.

I also met with my oncologist to go over the whole procedure and to check my blood work.  The chemo went swimmingly (whatever the hell that means...) - I had no nausea, I got to read my book in a nice quiet room and I even got to put my feet up (all the squishy leather chairs are recliners :>)  The only problem seems to be my low hemogloban, which could mean I will need an infusion. SHIT TO THAT!  Common' chemo do your job!  Anyhow, it will tested again on Fri.to see if there has been any change so stay tuned on that one.  That's it - sorry it was so long... I tend to write more, and more honestly, when I am emotionally psyched, as I was today.

Grim Nancy

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants"
                  Michael Pollan






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A HAPPY PLACE

A HAPPY PLACE

My days are now somewhat occupied with talking to friends who have heard about my cancer and are calling to offer their support.  I spoke to Ronnie Buerger for a very long time yesterday.  She and her family had recently been through this with her stepdaughter, Jodi, who finally lost her long battle with breast cancer this past year, leaving three small children.  I had known Jodi since the day she was born, her father even longer.  He and I had met at Carnegie Mellon Univ. while in college, and I have known Ronnie almost as long (he lost his first wife shortly after his son, Andy, was born).  My ties with this family are strong and filled with memories and love.

Although it was quite cold here I took two walks with my trusty companion, Moses, (10 yr. old German Shepherd) - one alone, the other with some dear, and trusty local supporters, Dhyana and Anna.  We have a trip planned to Provence in May which I fully intend to go on (my oncologist said that would probably be OK but nixed my plan to take the mule trek to the bottom of the Grand Canyon in November).
That trip will definitely give me something to look forward to.

Such walks are very important to me, and to Moses.  However they seem to baffle my husband.  When Michael was here recently to join us when we went to meet the oncologist we came home afterward and were talking...  Bob mentioned that he didn't understand how I could complain of the pain and yet manage to take my walks.  That is when Michael quietly offered an explanation which hit the nail on the head.  He said "maybe that is her happy place," and he is right, it is (his is on a ski slope).  Walking, particularly when I am alone, is when I have a chance to think, to plan, to reminisce, or simply to enjoy nature.  Nature is my God, or to turn it around, God is my nature.  I would no sooner carry a cell phone, or even an iPod, on a walk than I would a computer.  My true mantra is really a quote from Henry David Thorough: "In Wilderness is the Preservation of the World."  So walk I will because it is truly my "happy place."

Chemo is scheduled for tomorrow, Feb. 2, at 1:40 p.m.

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Grim Nancy

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants"
                  Michael Pollan